For Your Average Genius: April 2008

Saturday, April 26, 2008

What's your "Grain Footprint?" Buy Grain Credits Now!

Hey, if you're feeling guilty about using food for fuel while hungry
people around the world riot due to the shortage of corn, rice and
wheat, don't worry.

You can become grain neutral, simply by buying some of my corn, rice
and wheat credits. If you act now you could save a bundle, because my
"Get Neutral!" grain credits cost half the price of what carbon credits
cost...while they last.

For every hundred credits, we'll plant an almond tree for you on my farm. (It's sort of like a Nature Conservancy program, so as an added bonus, you'll be keeping farm land as farm land instead of being converted into a parking lot for a strip mall.)

Everyone knows almonds are more prized than corn. Which means you'll be doing good. It's the next best thing to actually feeding someone or allowing them to buy
the food you smoked through your tail pipe.

No you won't stop the riots all on your own, but at least you'll have
done something...and that's what counts isn't it! Who knows, maybe the
survivors of the riots will actually benefit from your almond tree
purchase some day.

That's enough to make you drive down the road feeling good!

You'll also get a membership sticker for your SUV or hybrid, letting
people know you CARE about the ethanol problem!
William Kelley Eidem is the author of "The Doctor Who Cures Cancer" and "It's Not Just For Sex!"

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