For Your Average Genius: Kerry's Latest 'Plans'

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Kerry's Latest 'Plans'

I'm John Kerry. I have a better plan. For example:

1- I plan to provide Iran with nuclear fuel.

2- I plan to support taxpayer funded abortions.

3- I plan to subject this nation's security to a global test.

4- I plan to stop our military from building any bunker busting bombs. [See plan #1.]

5- I plan to oppose any amendment that defines marriage.

6- I plan to find Osama bin Laden, so long as it passes my global test.

7- I plan to hold a summit if Iran fails to keep its part of the nuclear fuel bargain. [See plan #4.]

8- I plan look into my 20 year career as a Senator to see if I've ever tried to impliment any of these grand plans before.

9- I plan to return my magic hat to the CIA agent I invented out of whole cloth.

10- I plan to increase spending for Intelligence, unlike what I did when I was a Senator for 20 years, to help carry out plan #6, so long as it passes my global test.

11- I plan to increase spending for summits.

12- I plan to free Russia, China, South Korea, and Japan from our multilateral talks with N. Korea, so they can join multi-lateral summits with Iran should Iran fail to comply with my uranium deal.

13- I plan, in keeping with Bush's tradition to visit hurricane victims in Florida, if I am still alive, to visit every city destroyed by a suitcase bomb manufactured in Iran.

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